Pick Up Lines
by Mr. Ken the Black Cat
Summary: Itachi tries to find a way of approaching Hikari in order to ask her out on a casual date. So what's he do? He asks his pals for a little advice on pick up lines. // ItachiOC. T for Language
1. Chapter 1

**Theme:** Comedy  
**Rating:** 17 & up;; for language and suggestive situations.  
**Characters:**  
Uchiha Itachi, Jungyaku Hikari

_A new little mini-series.  
Well, it's not 'new', since I wrote a bit of it awhile ago.  
I just need to finish it up.  
Hope you enjoy, dears!_

* * *

**Part One**

Itachi Uchiha paced back and forth in the living room of the large house he shared with his dorm mates. His hand was placed on his chin as he appeared to be in deep thought. He wasn't a man of many words, and he hated not knowing the answers to something. Even more then that, he hated not being able to plan everything ahead of time. And right now, he was experiencing all of that.

Kisame sat on the couch, watching and waiting, while eating a bag of potato chips. He would never admit it to Itachi, but watching his friend squirm in confusion was quite humorous.

"Kisame!" Itachi suddenly snapped, almost making Kisame wonder if he could read his mind. "Yeah?" Kisame stopped munching on his chips for a brief moment. "I have a favor to ask." Itachi moved to sit beside his friend on the couch. "What is it?"

"How… How would you approach a female?" Itachi's choice of words made it hard for Kisame not to laugh.

"You mean asking a girl out?" Kisame bit down onto a chip. Itachi nodded silently.

"Try some pick up lines?" Kisame quirked a brow. "What type? Give me some?" Itachi almost seemed like he was pleading; though he remained stone-faced. Kisame pondered for a moment.

"Oh… I've got one!" He showed a sharp grin, "You look like a refreshing glass of water, and I'm the thirstiest guy in the world!"

Itachi didn't look amused.

Kisame cleared his throat, "Of course there's lots of fish in the sea, but you're the only one I'd love to catch and mount back at my place."

Itachi looked horrid so Kisame tried again, "You're so sweet, you put Hershey's out of business?"

Itachi let out a dissatisfied sigh, "This is absolutely hopeless."

"What is?" Deidara suddenly popped in. "Itachi wants to ask Hikari out, but he doesn't have any good pick up lines." Kisame answered before Itachi could tell him to keep his mouth shut.

"Oh. I've got a few." Deidara smirked smugly, sitting on the opposite side of the couch. "Really now? Then go for it." Kisame gestured for him to try.

"I have an owie on my hand, will you kiss it better?" He raised his hand with an innocent grin. "That won't work for Itachi." Kisame corrected with a dull stare.

"Fine." He huffed, "Beauty is Art. Art is a bang. Beautiful, I want to bang you." Kisame burst out laughing, "Not bad, Deidara-San!" Itachi still looked pretty miserable.

"Is your dad a terrorist? 'Cause you're the bomb!" Deidara threw his arms in the air.

"I am NOT saying that to her!" Itachi snapped; glaring daggers.

"Saying what to who?" Sasori's voice caused them to jump. "When did you come in?" Itachi glared.

Deidara spoke up, "Itachi's askin' that Hikari out. He needs help though. His pick up lines suck." The bluntness made Itachi twitch.

Sasori took a seat on the arm of the couch. "Uh-Huh." "No luck though." Kisame rolled his eyes.

"When I look into your eyes, I feel as though I've died and gone to Heaven." Sasori suddenly offered his pick up line. "Wow. That's so deep, Sasori-San." Deidara blinked. "I'm not saying that." Itachi hung his head in embarrassment.

"Wanna play dolls? 'Cause you can play with me all night long." Sasori stared dully when Deidara blushed at the change from romance to sexual. Kisame choked on his potato chip. "Try again." Deidara sighed. "Go out with me or die." "NO!" All three yelled.

"What the fuck? Sasori-San's asking you fucks out? What the hell?" Hidan leaned on the back of the couch.

"NO!" Kisame hollered.

"Don't Fuckin' yell at me, fish!" Hidan retorted.

Kisame rolled his eyes in a _'get over it'_ sort-of-way.

"Itachi's in need of pick up lines for a girl." Sasori corrected him. "I've got some." Hidan smirked, "Works every time." "Do I have to listen?" Itachi groaned, but Hidan pressed on.

"Wow! Are you really as beautiful as you seem, or do you just remind me of myself?" Hidan smirked arrogantly.

"Too self-centered." Sasori stared blankly.

Hidan scoffed, "Pardon me, but are you a screamer, or a moaner?"

Kisame glowered, "That'll scare any woman." More scoffing on Hidan's part. "Are you religious? 'Cause I'm the answer to your prayers."

Deidara shook his head, Kisame sighed, and Itachi had lost all faith in his comrades abilities to ask females out. "I don't see what's so wrong with them. I've got plenty of bitches to sleep with me." Hidan shrugged casually.

"They probably slept with you out of fear." Sasori corrected again.

"Hey. Give me some money guys." Kakuzu stepped in, with his right hand out.

"No." Deidara retorted swiftly. "Sorry, I'm broke." Kisame munched on another chip. "I have none." Sasori added. "Go get your own fucking money." Hidan bitched. Itachi was too dazed to care. "Fine then." Kakuzu grumbled bitterly as he went around the couch to sit in front of it at the coffee table. "Why are you guys all gathered here anyway?"

"Itachi's got whore problems. He needs to get laid bad." Hidan motioned to the smoldering Itachi. "What he needs is pick up lines." Sasori, once again, corrected the temperamental Hidan.

"Just say; 'Hi, I make more money than you can spend.' Simple as that." Kakuzu flipped on the TV. "She doesn't care about money." Kisame popped a chip in the air, catching it in his mouth.

"Your beauty was so distracting it caused me to walk into a wall, so I'm gonna need your name and number… For insurance reasons." He glanced towards the group.

"I already know her name." Itachi ran his hand through his sleek hair. "You can pay me to be yours all night?" Kisame laughed, "Makes him seem cheap." "Shut up, Kisame." Itachi smacked him. "Well, I'm all out." Kakuzu sighed disappointedly.

Just as they were about to give up, Deidara noticed Zetsu walking by. "Hey! Zetsu-San! Come here for a moment, un." He beckoned him over with his hand. With a quick step, Zetsu was beside the couch, "Yes, Deidara?"

"You know any good pick up lines to help out Itachi?" He inquired. Zetsu thought for a moment, "I know a few…" "Try us." Kakuzu stated.

"I'll be the flower, you be the bee, and you can have a taste of my honey." Deidara chuckled. "Too Fuckin' corny." Hidan yawned out of boredom. "Denied." Kakuzu declared blatantly. "Try again." Sasori sighed.

"If beauty was a flower, you'd be a garden." Zetsu stared as they shook their heads. "I don't know whether to mount you… or eat you."

"I like that one." Hidan smirked, "I'll have to remember it."

"Hi, guys! Can Tobi play?!" The bubbly boy seemingly appeared out of nowhere. "We're thinking up lines for Itachi to use on Hikari." Zetsu filled the bouncing boy in. "Oh! Tobi can do that!" He bounced over the couch and landed on Deidara. "GET OFF!" Deidara snapped angrily.

Tobi didn't budge, "Tobi is good in bed!"

"That won't work with Itachi." Kisame corrected.

"Can Tobi take your picture? Tobi wants Santa to know exactly what Tobi wants for Christmas."

"Cute." Deidara coughed. Kisame made an 'aw' sound and everyone else ignored it.

"You smell… Lets take a shower." With that, Deidara shoved Tobi off his lap. "Loser."

"OH FOR GOD'S SAKE! FORGET IT!" Itachi had reached his limit. He stood up and stormed out of the living room, his loud footsteps booming throughout the compound.

"You know. Why didn't anyone just tell him to ask her out the old fashioned way?" Deidara inquired. "Because it's fun to confuse the great Uchiha." Kisame answered with a snicker.

_Everyone nodded in agreement._


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter has been rewritten. - April 13, 2012.**

* * *

So asking his friends for help wasn't the best idea after all. In the end; it had only made him feel more anxious. He laid on his bed, staring aimlessly at the ceiling.

**"I'm screwed."** He groaned.

It was true. Itachi had never asked a girl out. He had no way of knowing how to approach one. In all his years; he had never found someone worth spending time worrying over. Sure, he had lots of girls chasing him. But he never was the chaser. Always the chased. It was a game of cat and mouse. And it was his turn to play the cat.

Itachi jolted up when he heard his cellphone go off. Snatching it up, he nervously stared at the caller ID.

_Hikari._

She was calling _him_? Why? Had one of his idiot friends leaked something out? He debated whether to ignore it or not. Thinking it was probably his only chance, he composed himself enough to keep his voice from cracking.

**"Hello?"**

**"Eh, _Itachi_?"** Hikari's voice seemed confused.

**"Yes?"**

**"Sorry! I thought I was calling Sasuke's phone."** Hikari's voice became panicked.

**"Why Sasuke?"** He spoke before he could think and he prayed she wouldn't notice the accusation in his voice.

**"Because Senna's at his house. I need to know if I'm picking her up or not. Do you mind giving me the right number? The little twerp must of switched them."**

**"Sure."** Itachi quickly read off the number from a little pad by his bed. He was horrible at remembering Sasuke's number because he was always changing it.

Why?

Two words;_ crazy women_.

**"Thanks a bunch, Itachi! Sorry for bothering you."**

At least she seemed relieved.

**"No, you aren't bothering me. Actually…"** He trailed off, his heart beginning to race.

**"Hm?"**

He took a moment to compose himself a little more before speaking.** "I was wondering if you were doing anything tonight? I… have some tickets to a movie. All of my friends seem to be busy. It'd be weird for a guy to go to the movies alone. You know… People would think things. Weird things. I mean… I'm rambling, aren't I?"**

Itachi pressed his palm against his forehead.

He could hear Hikari laugh. It was such a dorky laugh, but it made his heart jump every time.** "Yeah. I'm free tonight. What time?"** She inquired, stifling a few more giggles here and there.

**"Seven-ish."** He answered.

**"We can meet at the mall then."** Hikari added before he could volunteer to be a gentleman and pick her up. **"See you then, Itachi."**

Click.

Itachi snapped his phone shut and looked at the clock beside his bed. It was almost six already.

After a quick shower, Itachi rummaged through his dresser, panicking as he was, he finally decided on an outfit. A pair of faded baggy jeans, a black sliver studded belt that was covered by his white tee-shirt; on the front of the shirt it said, "prepare to cower before my invincible powers of irony and sarcasm"; cower, invincible, irony, and sarcasm were in a lime green color, while the rest were in black. He tied his, still damp, hair back into its usual ponytail at the nape of his neck. Snatching up his cellphone, he stuffed it into his back jean pocket. He then slipped on his pair of black and white sneakers, made a dash out his door, and down to the front door.

_Little did the Uchiha know; his friends were tagging along._


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter has been rewritten. - April 13, 2012.**

* * *

_'Do I hold her hand while we walk? Should I ask her if she wants popcorn? Is this even a date?'_ So many thoughts swirled in Itachi's mind, his pace quick as he made his way to the usual meeting spot. A spot where most couples seemed to hang around, their gazes meant only for each other. The water fountain in the center of the mall was as crowded as usual.

_'Should I put my arm around her in the movie theater? What do I do if she gets scared? Will we spend time together when the movie's through? What if I screw this up?'_

Taking a few deep breathes as he walked didn't help as much as he had hoped. Soon enough the fountain came into view. He scanned the teenagers around it until a familiar one stuck out.

She was casually seated on the edge of a bench, the bench being right up against the fountain. She had one of her favorite books— the title was obscured by her fingers, but he recognized the sleek black covering— she seemed locked in the book's grip. Itachi had heard her talk a lot about one of the princely characters of that particular book; as foolish as it seemed now, he remembered the prickles of jealousy that crawled along his skin.

His dark gray eyes eased over her features, taking the time to catch every detail. She had let her dark hair down, and it was falling over her shoulders. He felt his heart leap, realizing she never let her hair down. Could it be possible that she thought this was a special enough occasion to leave her hair down?

Itachi mentally smacked himself. He couldn't afford to read too deep into everything she was doing.

Every few seconds, she'd push a piece out of her vision. During school hours, she had mumbled many times about needing a haircut. She wore snug fitting jeans, a light blue tee-shirt with a white sweater over top, and white sneakers. Hikari was always getting cold, even in the middle of summer. Often, Itachi had to hold back the urge to wrap her up in his arms. Just the thought of such a situation made him squirm.

**"Sorry to keep you waiting."** He breathed out, now that he was standing right in front of her.

At the sound of his voice, she looked up. A smile on her lips. **"It's all right."**

She shut her book, putting it into the small messenger bag.

**"So what movie are we watching?**" She questioned.

Itachi tapped his chin in thought. **"Well… there's not really any romantic movies out. Um, how about Silent Hill?"**

Hikari pondered over the choice, having heard the name once before. **"Isn't that a game?"**

**"Oh, yes. They've based a movie off of it though."** Itachi explained.

**"My brother has one of the games. I've played it, but I'm having trouble remembering anything significant about it between the hundreds of horror games he's forced on me. So I hope the movie reminds me."**

**"If the movie includes Pyramid Head, I'm quite sure you'll remember then."**

Hikari's eyes drifted towards the ceiling, and Itachi was sure she was racking her brain in an attempt to cataloge all the horror monsters she had witnessed. He took the reprieve from chatter to gather as much confidence as possible. He really did want to hold her hand.

**"So, there's a lot of people around here."** He put on his best smile.

She stopped thinking and gave a nod of agreement.

**"Maybe we should hold hands, ya' know, because we might get separated in the crowd and be late for the movie."** He held his hand out to her, and prayed his palms weren't sweating.

For a moment, she seemed to be contemplating the idea. Her eyes scanned the surrounding area, and upon deciding he was right, she offered a grin and took his outstretched hand.

Itachi casually led the way, not letting his grasp on her hand loosen. Though Hikari didn't seem to mind.

**"I'm glad there's not a long line."** Hikari confessed, a relieved smile on her face as they approached the theater.

**"Two tickets for Silent Hill, please. Not the 3D one.**" Itachi ordered, his eyes on his wallet instead of the cashier.

**"All right, sir."** A familiar voice chuckled.

He lifted his gaze and frowned. **"Weren't you just at home?"**

Deidara took the money in exchange for the tickets.** "You know, I got a new job and all."**

Itachi escorted his lady friend down to the ticket master and away from the meddling blond.

To his horror though, Kisame stood very lazily clipping people's tickets for their entrance. He gave him a glare as he passed with Hikari.

**"Which way's the movie?**" She inquired.

Since she had let go of his hand while he paid for the tickets, she instead tugged on the back of his shirt to garner his attention.

The signs for Silent Hill pointed to two opposite directions.

**"Lets ask one of the employees.**" He murmured. It was safer than ending up in the 3D theater— since they hadn't paid for that one.

He tapped a young black haired man on the shoulder. Twirling around he was met with the glimmering eyes of Tobi. Without being asked, he said simply. **"Your movie is just up the stairs, down the right hall, at the end."**

**"But how…"** Hikari began before being dragged away by Itachi, who wanted absolutely no part of Tobi's little act.

The two quickly scrambled up the stairs, down the hall, and to their desired theater room. Itachi held the door open as Hikari thanked him.

**"Where should we sit?**" She whispered, sticking close to his side.

The large room was dimly lit by the over head lights, it seemed to become darker with every minute.

**"Middle?"** Itachi suggested, motioning to two seats away from a group. She nodded and followed his lead.

Hikari sat down first, tucking her bag under the seat. **"These seats are always so comfy."** She smiled to the young Uchiha beside her.

**"Yeah. It makes you never wanna leave."** He sighed peacefully, leaning his head back.

His attention quickly snapped back to reality.** "Wait, do you want some popcorn or drinks?"** Itachi tried to keep his voice from panicking, silently he cursed himself for forgetting to ask earlier.

Her smile grew slowly.** "You're a lot more jumpy than I would have thought. I'm not used to seeing you like this."**

Itachi squirmed in the dim light of the theater. **"I must have ate something bad…"**

Quickly changing to subject, he stood up. **"I'll get us some popcorn."**

**"'Kay."** She smiled, turning her head back to the theater screen.

As Itachi briskly walked towards the exit, he noticed another familiar figure. In fact, two of them. Hidan and Kakuzu sat near the back of the theater, in the far corner. They both seemed to scoot down in their seats when they caught Itachi's eyes. He bit his tongue, afraid he'd end up lashing out at his stalking friends.

Mumbling some colorful words, he stormed out and down to the concession stand.

Rentaro was working tonight. He had noticed her when they had gone up the stairs. She seemed relatively content as she filled buckets full of popcorn. Her usual demeanor was more provocative and arrogant.

**"Two popcorn, please."** Itachi reached into his back pocket for his wallet.

Rentaro raised a brow at the Uchiha in front of her before turning away and grabbing a bucket. She filled it so much that it seemed to overflow, adding almost too much butter until the popcorn resembled a yellow lump. She slid it over to him before turning away again and filling a large cup with Pepsi. She popped two straws into it and set in front of him.** "That'll be four hundred and four yen."**

**"I asked for two, and I didn't want a drink."** Itachi sent her a look between puzzlement and annoyance.

**"You're on a date with Hika, right?**" She leaned her back against the adjacent counter.

Itachi merely nodded, not exactly sure if he could call it that.

So she got straight to the point.** "Trust me on this. It'll be a lot more romantic to share everything. Besides, she won't mind. She'll find it sweet."**

His eyebrows shot up in disbelief. **"Since when are you so eager to help me?"**

She shrugged her shoulders casually. **"Since Hika's taken an interest in you, I guess."**

**"She's… _interested_ in me…?"** His heart leapt at the thought.

Rentaro rolled her eyes. **"No, boy genius. She doesn't just go to the movies with anyone, you know!"** With an exasperated huff, she took his money, giving him change back for the eight hundred yen.** "Just go before I change my mind."**

Holding back a smile, he disappeared into the crowd of teenagers around him.


End file.
